What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 04:53
She wouldn,t have been !
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She married twice! .
Portugal beat Spain on penalties to win Nations League - Yahoo Sports
I couldn’t, believe it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was 9 years of age.
How can I get over a break up?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I waited trembling.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
What's the most trivial thing that ever made you go to the doctor?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I think the readers, may guess!
Procter & Gamble to Cut 7,000 Jobs - WSJ
So whats the point in blame.
She found it foreign!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
What are some fun/kinky things to do with your partner?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
If you were a writer for HBO, how would you rewrite the final season of Game of Thrones?
I was seconnd youngest,
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
How are you spending your best time?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She was in good health!
My life is so biszare .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Trump administration, for 1st time, returns wrongly deported migrant to US - ABC News
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
How do you perform a lap dance for your boyfriend or husband?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
What did i know ?
Asia stocks buoyed by tech gains; trade, economic uncertainty persists - Investing.com
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
So, i spoilt her more .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We were not on the streets..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
It was going to be , some day.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He resisted the act ,that day.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
One cannot live in the past .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Comes on , in middle age.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But, we were locked up after school.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
All the time i was locked up.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My family never makes their pension either.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
This is soul school!.
He knew the spot.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I will be 64.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And i lived it daily.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I said to her
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I don,t even have a pension.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Especially a lifetime of it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But ive been too sick for many years..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
When she asked me how she looked .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I have no regrets .
I was scared of men, in general
But it wasn’t much.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I write beautiful poetry .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was very sick at this time too.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Would this be the day?
I could never make a relationship work though!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We all went to grammer schools
Why did i forgive my father ?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She loved him until the end.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im still living with it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Put me off passion for life!!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Who then, do I blame.?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Ive learnt so much.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!